Friends

Insanity makes you stronger. I await Insanity. Because I need the strength. Because my ego is in tatters and even the slightest nudge is enough to start a spiral into paranoia. Will you be my friend?

Faith and Hope. Twin weapons against despair. A bastion against hopelessness. Or are you a momentary delusion that shields from us bitter reality. Are you a strength, or a fatal chink in the armour? A blessing, or a delaying of the inevitable? A miracle worker, or a plea for ignorance? The ego is like a fragile eggshell. So anything, everything that can prevent it from shattering is welcome. And so I welcome you Faith. I welcome you Hope. Will you be my friends? Will you introduce me to Courage?

But Doubt manages to creep in too. The "What ifs". “Am I being a made a fool of?”.” Are people laughing behind my back?”.” Am I too much of a coward to see how insignificant I really am?” Doubt strips away the clothing of Faith and Hope surrounding the ego, leaving it naked and exposed. It rapes the mind, tears at it like a wild beast, devours it and yet is insatiable. Seldom does reality outmatch the horrors which our doubts and our insecurities serve up. Though they serve the purpose of teaching you to survive, to attack or flee before you are attacked or hurt, left unchecked they cripple and maim than serve a useful purpose. You are my enemies. Faith, Hope, Courage, fortify my defenses against these intruders who seek to destroy the peace.

But I grow weary. My defenses wilt under the constant barrage of attacks. Doubt, Anger, Revenge, Jealousy, Hatred, Envy. They are relentless in their onslaught.

Indifference, my armour. Clothe me, protect me and shelter me. Till reality softens the imaginary blows my mind conjures up.

Blessed Sleep. Welcome me into your arms. So I may find respite and comfort, even if its only for a little while, from the harsh battles of my waking hours.

Time heal my wounds and help me forget. Lend me your shoulder and carry me forward along with you, leaving behind my past regrets and disappointments.

You are all my friends.

Mind, you are both my best friend and my worst enemy. You are the originator of all emotions, good and bad. You are the one who defines my reality, who defines my very existence. You are me. But hate takes its toll on me. So does doubt, anger, jealousy and revenge. I do not wish to define my existence in terms of misery and despair. I wish to suffer no more.
Mind, be my friend. Please!!!